Baby cousins

My 16-month-old nephew came to visit. After a day of everyone doting on the littlest member of our family, the Brain sadly said, "I don't like not being the cute one anymore."

Merry Christmas!

The Brain, after seeing his gifts from Santa: This is pretty much the best Christmas ever! It's stinkin' awesome!

Except for last Christmas. A computer from Santa? Boo yah!

The Spirit of Christmas

We drove around town to see Christmas lights tonight. The Brain, who was sitting next to Pinky in the back seat, was bored and kept tapping on things. He was driving Pinky bonkers! Finally, she had enough and said, "If you can be quiet until we get home, I'll let you give me a kiss. If you make even one sound, the deal's off."

Challenge accepted.

The Brain was as quiet as a mouse. And he got his kiss.

Letter to the North Pole

My second grade students wrote letters to Santa today. After they asked for what they wanted, I instructed them to say something nice to Santa. One of my young students forgot this all-important last step in the body of his letter. He then brought It to me for editing.

Me: Dude, you forgot to say something nice to Santa.

Boy: [confused look on his face]

Me: You have to say some thing nice to him.

Boy: How about, "You're not fat; its your stretchy pants"?

Ingenuity

It's amazing what a child can do when they're grounded from television, game machines, and iPhone. The Brain made his own shoes from duct tape and cardboard. Apparently, one foot is pointed at the toes while the other is squared.

Wake up, Sonshine!

The Brain really likes to sleep. One might say that is normal behavior for a 12YO boy, but since he's SuperD's son, I'm guessing he'll still be like that when he's 44.

This morning, I let him sleep a little later than normal so when he didn't get up after the second wake-up call, I put on the pressure. Of course, he got mad, and said in his best 12YO mad voice, "Okay! Well, I'll just go right now!"

I guess, in his still half asleep brain, that sounded like a threat.

New occupation

It occurs to me on this fall Tuesday evening, as I take The Brain to soccer practice, pick up Pinky from band practice, take her to the store to buy supplies for a school project, drop her off at home, pick up my son from soccer practice, and ferry him home, (with my yellow fuel light blinking at me), that I am no longer just a mom, or a wife, or a teacher. 

I'm a chauffeur.

In a red sedan.

Victory

Every morning at 6:30, there is a custodian at Pinky's school who sets out two traffic cones with a string tied between them. He sets them across both lanes of traffic at the end of the street in the parking lot so that traffic can't continue into the next parking area. The purpose is to aide the flow of traffic for morning drop-off. I get it. I was a school crossing guard for two years. I complained for two years about people not following procedure.  Also, I'm the mom who complains about people in the middle school drop-off lane.

But at 6:30 in the morning, the only cars in the lot are teachers and band students. That's not really considered traffic. There's no flow to be interrupted. There's a low chance of a traffic accident. So for him to put the cones out that early and make us drive the long way around feels a little like he's just out to be spiteful. (Although, in truth, he's just doing his job.)

This morning, I let Pinky drive to school with her learner's permit. After we pulled into the parking lot, she noticed that the cones weren't out yet. With triumph in her voice she said, "Ha! I made it here before the man did!"

Smarty Pants

Pinky was telling one of her friends about the college campus and kept saying, "usivernity". Now she says, "Obviously, I'm not ready to go to college."

Genius

The Brain is grounded. Because he has missing assignments, he isn't allowed to use any electronic devices. He is clearly upset by this. 

In the car on the way home from school, his big brain goes into overdrive.

The Brain: If I designed a different power source for my electronics so that they didn't run on electricity, would I still be grounded from them?

Me: That would never happen. They're electronic. 

The Brain: But what if I did? What if I made them squirrel-powered or something? Would I still be grounded?

Me: Well, in that case, we would have to give you credit for creativity.

The Brain: So, I wouldn't be grounded anymore?

Me: I guess not.

The Brain: Of course, I'd have to use something that wouldn't die, rot, or reproduce.

Hmm. Genius.

Generation Gap

Pinky asked me why the Ding Dongs that Chief Johnson eats on The Closer are wrapped in foil. It hadn't occurred to me that Pinky had never eaten a foil-wrapped Ding Dong.

New school, new experience

From the first week of school this year:

The Brain: Thanks for making my locker pretty . . . and clean.

Me: Do you think you can keep it clean?

The Brain: The word "clean" isn't in my vocabulary.

Even though I just used it.

Little Big Man

I began waking the Brain early this week in preparation for middle school. Poor guy really likes to sleep in. As I was sitting on the edge of his bed, I noticed something.

Me: Those are some hairy legs you've got there, Son.

The Brain: Yep.

Me: Got any hair on your chest?

The Brain: Nope.

Me: Under your nose?

The Brain: Nope.

Me: Huh.

The Brain: But I do have hair in places I don't want to talk about.

Me: [shaking head and stifling a giggle] I didn't need to know that, Son.

Little known movie trivia

While watching Oblivion, SuperD asked, "What's that stuff [she's spitting up]?" Pinky said, "It's that amBiotic fluid."

Bribe

SuperD and I have set a limit as to how many minutes The Brain can be on his computer each day during the summer. The hope is that he will participate in other activities in his spare time. 

When his time was up today, I told him that he could earn extra computer time by reading. Each minute spent with a book is equal to an extra computer minute. He basically told me that "isn't gonna happen".

I guess he got bored because he's in his room, reading. 

Mom win.

Generation Gap

We were watching Dateline on TV, and Pinky asked me, "Who is O.J. Simpson?"

Movie day

Pinky and I are watching as many different versions of Peter Pan as we can today. As the music began to play for the 2003 version, the Brain yelled from his bedroom, 

"I do believe in fairies!"

Everything dies

Pinky: Oh, my gosh! I want a hedgehog as a pet! But then it would die, and I'd be sad.

Me: Everything dies, [Pinky].

SuperD: Except for the smell in [the Brain's] shoes.

The end of an era

Too many emotions as my son leaves elementary school.

Proud of his 3 A's

Satisfied with his 3 B's 

Happy for no failing grades

Grateful for a patient 5th grade teacher

Sad that he won't be in the same building as me next year

Thankful for 6 years of watching his back

Tired of being a helicopter mom

Fortunate to live within the boundary of a great middle school

Anxious about him riding a bus

Intent on finding someone to bring him home each day

Determined to get him through 6th grade

Hopeful that next year will be the year he learns responsibility

Worried about his diabetes management

Relieved to have a 504 in place

Aggravated that the district won't let him text his blood sugar readings to SuperD and me unless he does so from the office

Blessed with a clever, creative, energetic, intelligent, funny, imaginative son

Son, I wish you success and happiness throughout your middle school journey.

 

The Brain and the doctor

I took the Brain to the doctor today. He had a slight fever and a croupy cough. You can tell when the Brain doesn't feel well because he is very sluggish. He climbed up on the exam table and laid down. He usually jokes around and goofs off for the doctor, but not this time. He didn't move and barely spoke the entire time we were there, which is very unusual for him. As the doc began her exam, she said, "This is quite a handsome boy you have here." The Brain uncrossed his arms, snapped his fingers, and gave her two thumbs up!

Do the math, please

I heard this on a news story this morning:

The "autopsy report could take 2-3 months to complete, while the investigation should be finished within 8 to 12 weeks."

It may take 60-90 days for her to realize her mistake.

Maybe I should be in Marketing

When did we begin randomly changing how words are used? As a second grade teacher, I have enough trouble teaching my students the difference between nouns, vervs, adjectives, and adverbs. Now, it seems, that I can arbitrarily change the part of speech of any word I choose. Well, I can if I'm in advertising. 

"The more you know, the more you Kohl's."

This slogan assaulted my eyeballs each time I walked through the automatic door at Kohl's Department Store. I shop. I spend. I buy. I wear. I do not Kohl's.

"This is how you Sonic."

I wish I could Sonic. 

"Be more tea."

This Lipton ad beats all. Out of all the adjectives I wish would describe me, tea isn't even on the list, BECAUSE IT'S NOT AN ADJECTIVE!!!!!!!!

Hygiene

In my experience, 11YO boys aren't very clean. They don't bathe on their own. They don't comb their hair. They would never brush their teeth without being told. They don't use napkins. And never touch their hands, because I'm sure they don't wash after using the bathroom.

That's why I'm constantly nagging the Brain about hygiene. I must remind him every day. All day. It's a never-ending battle. That's why I was so shocked when, as we gathered our things for school, I asked him if he had brushed his teeth, and he said, "Yes." 

I nearly fell over in shock. 

"You did?" I asked. 

"Yes," he repeated. 

"I'm so proud of you! Thank you for brushing your teeth before I had to remind you," I gushed. "That's amazing!" 

"Well," he said, "We are dancing in P.E. today. I thought the girls might want me to brush my teeth."

There's hope for him yet.

An Innocent Question

Second grade girl in my class: Mrs. JustJennifer, what is this thing in the back of my book?

Me: That is a card librarians used to check books out to people before there were computers. You would write your name on it so that the librarian would know who had checked it out.

Girl: [eyebrows furloughed in a confused look] You mean, like in the OLDEN DAYS?

Deep Thoughts by The Brain

Rainy morning drive to school

The Brain: Look, Mom! A rainbow!

Me: Wow! That's beautiful! Thanks for pointing it out to me!

The Brain: Can we go look for the pot of gold?

Me: Funny, son.

The Brain: I know what the real pot of gold is at the end of the rainbow. It's just the enjoyment of being at the end of the rainbow.

Me: Yeah, unfortunately, when you get close, it disappears.

The Brain: Well, maybe rainbows are everywhere; we're just too close to see them.

Hmmm. Something to ponder.

Served

 The Brain is practicing for a Bible drill. He must learn 25 Bible verses, be able to locate 10 key passages, and quickly turn to any book in the Bible, while the reciting the books which precede and follow it. Every morning on the way to school, he and I practice his verses. We have learned 19 from both the Old and New Testaments.

This morning, as usual, I handed him my iPad and told him begin reciting. As usual, he moaned and began begging me to let him have the day off from recitations. As usual, I reminded him of the importance of repetition for memorization. As usual, he began negotiating with me to be able to do it at a later time. And, as usual, he tried to dictate to me the manner in which he would participate.

"Fine," he said. "I'm only going to learn the new verse today, not say all of the others."

Not the hill I wanted to die on, so I remained silent as he looked up the new verse.

He began to read, " Colossians 3:23 - Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically as something done for the Lord and not for men." He began to laugh silently and shake his head as the realization of what he had read began to sink in.

"I think I just got served," he said.

"By the Lord?" I replied.

"Yeah."

Thus saith the Lord. Amen.

A First

A new experience for the new year: The Brain got his first pimple. It's smack dab in the middle of his cheek. He tried to tell me it was a mosquito bite - in the middle of winter. I guess it bothered him all evening long because at bedtime, he came to me and asked if for his "mid-year" resolution he could get rid of his pimple. Poor thing is worried that the kids at school will make fun of him tomorrow. He's hoping it will disappear overnight. I hope so, too.

Ohhh!

The Brain learned that saying "Cathrope" doesn't keep you from being tickled. 

2014 Haiku

Love God, love others.

These things are most important.

My resolution.