The value of education

My family sat down this evening to watch a cooking competition show. The mother of one of the chefs said, "I think Andrew is going to put New Jersey on the map."

Pinky observed, "New Jersey IS on the map."

The Bieb

The Brain is a little behind the times. He has decided to let his hair grow out. Now that it's begun to fall in his eyes, he has developed an odd neck spasm.

The Brain [spasming dangerously close to me]: Oh! I did the hair flip and almost hit you!

Me: Yeah, you could put an eye out with that flip! It's dangerous!

The Brain: Dangerously sexy.

Me [cringing]: I'm not sure I like my 12YO son being called sexy.

SuperD [chuckles]

The Pick Up Artist

Ah! The joys of sixth-grade boys! The brain has a friend who likes a girl. This friend tasked him with the job of finding pick up lines he could use to impress this girl. Like any diligent student, my son rose to the task and threw himself into the assignment with all of the determination of a dedicated researcher.

Here are his results:

Hey baby, can you send me a picture of yourself so I can tell my mom what I want for my birthday?

Hey baby, I'm doing an assignment on the finer things in life. I was wondering if you wanted an interview. 

Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight or should I back out and rejoin the lobby? [Huh?]

Hey baby, did you eat Lucky Charms for breakfast? Because you sound magically delicious!

Hey baby, is your name Google? Because you're everything I'm searching for.

Hey baby, if you were the new hamburger at McDonald's you could be the McGorgeous!

Hey baby, if you were a grenade you would be a stun grenade.

Hey baby, is your dad a terrorist? Because you da bomb, girl.

Hey girl, I think you have something in your eye. No wait. It's just a sparkle.

Hey girl, my love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

Hey girl, I lost my teddy bear. Can I cuddle you instead?

Hey girl, is your middle name Broom? Because you swept me off my feet.

Hey girl, did you just fart? Because you blew me away!

[I edited out two which were inappropriate. I'm not sure the Brain realized they were sexual in nature. SuperD may need to address that one.]

Hey girl, my name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime!

Hey girl, do you have a library card? Because I'm checking you out.

Here I am. What are your other two wishes?

Can you feel my shirt? Oh, right. It's made of boyfriend material.

Smooth, Brain. However, you may want to caution your friend against comparing girls to farts and diarrhea. I'm fairly sure that will not have the desired effect.

Ah, if only the Brain would put as much effort into his classroom assignments!

Wait. What?

The Brain asked me if I was a hipster back in the 80's.

It's all so clear now

Pinky recently watched VeggieTales' King George and the Ducky. She hadn't seen it in years. I can't tell you how many times we watched that video. (Yes, it was a VHS. I told you it had been a while.) So today she tells me that she just realized that it's the story of King David and Bathsheba. 

Analogy fail.