Maybe I should be in Marketing

When did we begin randomly changing how words are used? As a second grade teacher, I have enough trouble teaching my students the difference between nouns, vervs, adjectives, and adverbs. Now, it seems, that I can arbitrarily change the part of speech of any word I choose. Well, I can if I'm in advertising. 

"The more you know, the more you Kohl's."

This slogan assaulted my eyeballs each time I walked through the automatic door at Kohl's Department Store. I shop. I spend. I buy. I wear. I do not Kohl's.

"This is how you Sonic."

I wish I could Sonic. 

"Be more tea."

This Lipton ad beats all. Out of all the adjectives I wish would describe me, tea isn't even on the list, BECAUSE IT'S NOT AN ADJECTIVE!!!!!!!!

Hygiene

In my experience, 11YO boys aren't very clean. They don't bathe on their own. They don't comb their hair. They would never brush their teeth without being told. They don't use napkins. And never touch their hands, because I'm sure they don't wash after using the bathroom.

That's why I'm constantly nagging the Brain about hygiene. I must remind him every day. All day. It's a never-ending battle. That's why I was so shocked when, as we gathered our things for school, I asked him if he had brushed his teeth, and he said, "Yes." 

I nearly fell over in shock. 

"You did?" I asked. 

"Yes," he repeated. 

"I'm so proud of you! Thank you for brushing your teeth before I had to remind you," I gushed. "That's amazing!" 

"Well," he said, "We are dancing in P.E. today. I thought the girls might want me to brush my teeth."

There's hope for him yet.

An Innocent Question

Second grade girl in my class: Mrs. JustJennifer, what is this thing in the back of my book?

Me: That is a card librarians used to check books out to people before there were computers. You would write your name on it so that the librarian would know who had checked it out.

Girl: [eyebrows furloughed in a confused look] You mean, like in the OLDEN DAYS?