Ewww.

I don't like feet. I think they're ugly. And gross. I don't like sandals. I despise flip-flops. Give me a cute pair of Keds any day. The very thought of a pedicure makes me anxious. I don't want anyone touching my feet. I don't even want people to see my feet, and I certainly don't want to see theirs.

So you can understand why I throw up in my mouth a little every time someone posts a picture on Facebook of their freshly painted toenails and it pops up on my Newsfeed. Toenails are nasty. It doesn't matter if they're striped, polka-dotted, camoflauged, crackled, sparkled, spangled, bejeweled, or glittered. This is yet another fad in which I will not participate. E-VER.

If I want to decorate my feet, I'll do it like this: