I don't know who coined the phrase "Helicopter Mom", but it certainly fits.* As a teacher, I see examples of this every week. Those moms who hover near their children. They hang out at school more than is necessary. They constantly call, text, or email their child's teacher. They are indignant when their children get in trouble because, of course, their child never does anything wrong. They become angry when their child has to face consequences for their poor choices. Their children need praise just for writing their name on their papers.
I can't blame them for their instincts. I struggle with this, too. I try to micromanage my daughter's homework. I mean, why would I want her to make a 'B' when I know she is an 'A' student? I make excuses for my son because I think he may be dealing with undiagnosed ADD. (That's a topic for another blog. Super D has been diagnosed with ADD, so it is a possiblility.) I have to remind myself that while that may make school more difficult for him, that is not an excuse for him to be lazy. And with C being diabetic, that gives me a great excuse to hover.
But as a member of Gen X, I want to teach my children to more independent. I want to teach my daughter to use her agenda so that she can manage her own homework. I want to teach my son that his reading log is his responsibility and that it is not my responsibility to dig it out of his backpack.
I don't want them to ever experience pain, disappointment, hurt, abandonment, teasing, or anything else which would make them unhappy. That's the Helicopter Mom in me talking. Can't I just create Utopia around them? Responsible Mom knows that these things are life lessons. I can't shelter my kids from unhappiness. It is a part of life. Parents used to tell their children that they had better learn how to deal with things before they are adults because Mom and Dad won't always be there to do it for them. But in today's society, that's no longer true. Mom and Dad are still there, sometimes in the same house.
I don't want to be that mom. When my son and daughter become adults, I want to push them out on their own, like little birdies. Maybe I'm a bit selfish, but I want my husband all to myself again.
So when I saw this story on "The Today Show", I was nodding my head, agreeing with everything the experts said, incredulous that this is news. Shouldn't this be common sense? It only takes 5 minutes, and I wish I could play it for every Helicopter Mom I know. We need to hear it.
*Very little research yielded an answer. "Helicopter Parent" is a term from the book Parenting with Love and Logic, by Cline and Fay. Sound familiar? That's because I mentioned this book in my June 11th blog. It is the second parenting book I plan to read this summer. Obviously, I haven't made it through the first one yet. Still reading!
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